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Ask Me Anything (AMA from as little as $5)Okay, let me break down who I am and what we've learned from this incredible study.
So, I'm the fourth director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development. This is a long-term study, the longest of its kind, that has been following the lives of 724 men for 75 years. I've spent my career diving into the data collected over generations of researchers, trying to see what actually makes for a fulfilling and healthy life. The study started back in 1938, tracking two groups: one was Harvard college sophomores and the other was boys from the poorest neighborhoods in Boston. We've tracked their lives from teenagers through adulthood into their 90s and we're now looking at their children.
Now, when it comes to what keeps us healthy and happy as we go through life, it’s definitely *not* what we tend to believe. We live in a world that tells us that success is all about wealth, fame, and constant achievement. We see surveys showing millennials prioritizing getting rich and famous, and we’re constantly told to work harder. We're bombarded with messaging about climbing the ladder. But our study has shown something completely different. Forget the money and the spotlight; what keeps us healthy and happy, based on 75 years of observation, is the *quality of our relationships.* It's really that straightforward.
We've found that social connections are essential. People with strong ties to family, friends, and their community are generally happier, healthier, and they live longer. On the flip side, loneliness is toxic. Being isolated leads to declines in happiness, physical health, and even brain function. It can shorten a lifespan. And here's the thing: it's not just about how *many* friends you have or whether or not you're in a committed relationship. It's about the quality of those close relationships. Living in constant conflict, especially within your closest relationships, is really bad for your health. It's actually worse than divorce! On the other hand, good, warm relationships offer a protective benefit. We saw it in our study when our subjects were in their 80's. Those who were most satisfied with their relationships when they were 50 were the healthiest when they were 80, regardless of things like their cholesterol levels. It's like these relationships act as a buffer against the stresses of aging. They help mitigate emotional distress, even if people are experiencing physical pain.
Finally, and this is something we are really starting to understand; good relationships aren't just protecting our bodies, they are protecting our brains. People who feel they can genuinely rely on their partners have sharper memories longer. This isn't to say that good relationships are always perfect. We have many subjects who bicker and argue but as long as they feel secure and trust that they can depend on each other, their memories remain strong.
Now, if I were going to invest in my future best self, I would focus completely on cultivating meaningful relationships. We live in a culture that tells us to focus on external achievements, but our research is very clear: It's the internal connections we forge with others that have the biggest impact on our overall well-being. If I were in my 20s, 40s, or even 60s, I would prioritize making time for friends and family. That means turning off screens and engaging with real people. I would look for opportunities to strengthen those close connections. This may be a long walk, date night, or doing something completely new together. I would even reach out to those who have distanced themselves, understanding that holding grudges takes a terrible toll on our well-being. It’s really about investing in something that will continue to reward you for years to come.
The good life, as our study and Mark Twain remind us, isn't about material wealth or fleeting fame. It's about those deep connections we share with one another. It's about the time we spend loving each other. It's really about something that transcends cultures and generations. We often look for a quick fix but the truth is, there are no quick fixes when it comes to a fulfilling life. The work that needs to be done is in tending to relationships. It may be messy, complicated, and never-ending, but those relationships are the very thing that protect us, make us happier, and keep us living well.