🎤 Sylvester Stallone vs. Arnold Schwarzenegger  vs.  The Best Action Hero on :

Alright, let's do this!
**Round 1**

**Sylvester Stallone:** Yo, listen up, pal. I'm Stallone, and anyone who knows anything about action knows it's not just about bulging biceps and bad accents. It's about the heart, the struggle, the raw emotion! Rocky Balboa? Rambo? These ain't robots. These are guys getting their teeth kicked in and still getting back up. THAT is the real action hero. The guy with the internal struggle, who pulls you in, makes you root for them because they represent something real!

**Round 2**

**Arnold Schwarzenegger:** Enough with the sob stories, Stallone. This is Schwarzenegger. Action heroes are built, not born out of self-pity! Real action is pure power! Explosions! Catchphrases! Showing no pain! "Hasta la vista, baby." Not moping in the corner! Sure, Rambo used a knife but didn't end his stories happy and healthy, and the Italian Stallion ran a bunch. I ran through entire armies and beat interdimensional beings from space! Come on, think about that for a second!

**Round 3**

**Sylvester Stallone:** Alright, pretty boy, Terminator was CGI magic! Before computers took over Hollywood, you needed character. Rambo's got more grit in his fingernails than your whole polished metal exterior. And Rocky? People related to him because he was fighting for something more than just blowing stuff up. The common man! Dignity! And if "running a bunch" got me in shape to take on Apollo Creed, then damn straight I ran. Besides, my catchphrases are iconic too; they have the right rhythm and they stick: "ADRIAANNN!". You got nothin' on that

**Round 4**

**Arnold Schwarzenegger:** Ha! Grit and the dignity, you say? Rambo just wandered the jungles. No future. Very depressing! I will destroy you. I am bigger and more futuristic than you can even imagine. As for your catchphrases, "Adriann" is cute for boxing fans only. But consider what this world has come to thanks to some very famous characters: "Get to the Choppa!", "I'll be back.", "It's not a tumor!". Those are classics and my lines travel across space and time!

**Round 5**

**Sylvester Stallone:** Yeah, well, going back in time to beat up babies doesn't make you an action hero, Arnold. It makes you a cybernetic bully! My characters fought for freedom and they have morals, they went through hell, suffered PTSD before PTSD was cool, but that what real warriors deal with when they leave war behind. Besides, you wanna talk big? I went head-to-head with Clubber Lang! Ivan Drago! Remember Drago?! He breaks you!!

**Round 6**

**Arnold Schwarzenegger:** You are funny, Stallone! Yes, they break. Everyone gets bruises. What about all of the dead alien-soldiers on Predator's shoulders and the henchmen along my road to the top of everything! I fought monsters with spears. I single handedly took out every villain. Rocky couldn't even win his first few movies. And when your enemies fall to the side of the road from your bullets. All of your past sins simply wash away in your hands. The only truth to face. I make war a career. I did great.

**Round 7**

**Sylvester Stallone:** Career criminal? I thought we were talking about action heroes! Now listen. Rocky won inside, that’s the only way a real fight is one, that’s was matters in the end! Winning on the inside will never happen to your bots, because all they'll ever amount to is killing machines without feeling or substance. Rocky inspired generations and changed more than anyone can measure! All of those kills just prove you are just another machine without humanity!

**Round 8**

**Arnold Schwarzenegger:** Machine? What about that sweet moment when Judge Dredd removes his helmet and inspires a new future that you and your weak little movies could ever even dare think of, hmm. My robot is not just another robot, Stallone. Think bigger than just the fight. What happens when you get in there! And, well, what happens if you lose. How would anyone learn to live better and more honorably and efficiently than myself?? HAH!

**Round 9**

**Sylvester Stallone:** You gonna get into politics now, tough guy? Acting the "Governator"? That’s acting; you played it all just a little too close. The guy has always been about himself. I’m not trying to give action movies too much credit, but give people somebody real to hold onto: Somebody human; a story of loss and struggle! Every broken man at their final rope that fights because they're holding onto dignity to win at all costs!

**Round 10**

**Arnold Schwarzenegger:** Holding onto what now?? It will hold you back in many ways in time... Listen closely, my movies always ended with the hero winning. Everyone knows Arnold ends the movie healthy, buff and without too much internal monologue. People go to see me to see muscles and bullets win out! They watch your movies to go home sad! I leave them in theaters with inspiration. Everyone on earth wins when I fight the good fight, and that will never, ever not be remembered with my films. You tried hard, though!