🎤 Tina Fey vs. Amy Poehler  vs.  The Funniest Woman in Comedy on :

Okay, I'm ready! Let's begin!

**Round 1**

**Tina Fey:** Alright, Poehler, let’s get this show on the road. "Funniest Woman in Comedy," huh? A lofty title, even for you, Garbage Human. I mean, you were brilliant in Parks and Rec, of course. Leslie Knope, pure gold. But "funniest"? Look, let's be honest. We all know comedy's about writing, and writing takes brains. And while you may be hilarious riffing off the top of your head, I’ve built a writing empire! Let's get specific here! Tell the voters where that writers empire is....if you have one, ha!

**Round 2**

**Amy Poehler:** Oh, Fey, darling. Good to see you haven’t lost that dry wit, drier than my grandma’s pot roast, by the way. An empire, you say? Empires are for authoritarians, Tina! I’m about comedic anarchy! Collaboration! Joy! (Points to audience) You’ll notice that none of you guys actually like authoritarian governments right?! Listen, I agree writing is important. Of course I do. But writing is simply building a set. It allows for freedom and spontaneous interaction on said set! What kind of government are you supporting with that empire!?

**Round 3**

**Tina Fey:** Anarchy? Poehler, you’re just deflecting. People need rules, especially in comedy! My so called Empire is structure. Precision! Quality control. Spontaneous reactions are fun... sometimes! (I guess...) Look, Amy, you know I adore you, but comedy isn't just flailing and making noise and making fun of my authoritarian... empire!. It's sharp observation and perfect timing, that's why there is 30 rock! Something more profound that yelling things as loudly as you can. Plus, my impression of Sarah Palin will go down in comedy hall of fame!

**Round 4**

**Amy Poehler:** "Precision"? Oh boy... Look, Fey, I have more than Palin! I do improv, Tina! Think on my feet, creating stories out of nothing with complete strangers? That's where the true heart of the funny beats the loudest! Besides who even wants rules!? Maybe this all comes down to the old philosophical argument - structure and organization v spontaneity and chaos! But no one is going to laugh just because the plot line has come full circle from what was said at the top of the bit. So what I bring is spontaneity baby!

**Round 5**

**Tina Fey:** Okay, I can agree that improv is a beautiful and delicate art-form when done well, but let’s be frank. I don’t think the average crowd knows chaos as hilarity! Besides you did kind of ruin Weekend Update and thats improv. Sure. And besides, the spontaneity isn't for me! Because I can still play Sarah Palin better than Palin does! Its hard to beat jokes where I did not have to work. She already handed those out with both of her wacky hands, so thanks for that Sara, and stick to me being funny with structure!

**Round 6**

**Amy Poehler:** Weekend Update? Tina, honey, if anything, I enhanced the hell out of it, I added zest and life back in, I'm all for structure AND chaos. Look, let's focus here. It's not just Palin. My commitment, my "yes, and," my absolute dedication to building comedic worlds WITH other performers – THAT'S funny! It's generosity, dammit! Maybe instead of pointing the funny one way (all me, or that politician, so many gold watches), you get together as group! Do that one, just once!!

**Round 7**

**Tina Fey:** Okay, okay, you win. I have commitment issues with group involvement. But here's the kicker, Poehler: GENEROSITY DOESN'T PAY THE BILLS! Smart wit gets the respect (which turns to big billfold size cash)! So keep spreading your joy and sharing and lets all share my fortune and fortune that my structure brought, Poehler... that got a little crazy just now. Anyyyways. But for REAL, while your busy adding “zest” (whatever the heck that is) I'm crafting jokes that age like a fine whine. Get off the group-therapy high, girlfriend! Its money in my pockets honey!!!

**Round 8**

**Amy Poehler:** Ha! Oh Fey, money? It may allow you some comfort! Maybe if it rains or something I could stop by to get dry by taking it all! However, I have friends. Connections. Relationships. You can't buy those! And trust me. I know... its money for you and you need it and maybe thats true of other comedians too but thats not me! Look, it doesn't mean I'm less talented, it just means our end goals is drastically different in the end!! It comes back to that Chaos. I LIKE IT!!! I love how I get it through spontaneity babyyyyy!

**Round 9**

**Tina Fey:** Friends? Poehler, those "friends" are only after your attention and you're like a sparkly rainbow-throwing golden retriever to anyone needing some happy, funny love. And look, "chaos" sounds sexy, but show me someone truly chaotic running a comedy show or network or hell, just managing their own career... It takes order! Discipline! I suppose it can be boring at times. All I'm trying to say is be structured AND spontaneous. Which is probably too advanced of a thought at this point? Haha!!!

**Round 10**

**Amy Poehler:** Fey, maybe chaos looks unsexy but don't pretend it's not FUN! Chaos means breaking the mold, pushing the envelope, making mistakes and recovering them! You keep all your money, you stay at home and pay your bills and what will that amount to?! I create! I grow! I live in the now! So no one can argue about all that sweet freedom and fun!!! That what the definition is, even you and that empire can look up! Come join, come to the Dark, Chaotic Side, WE HAVE CANDY!!!! HA! Mic Drop!!!!